sometimes it feels like you ripped every ability i had to be myself from the very fibers of my soul. the fear you instilled inside of my brain infects every single aspect of my life now, a tainted darkness that swallows my body and creeps up into the shadows of the people i surround myself with, building endless walls and barriers as if they were always meant to be there, keeping me in and everyone else out.

sometimes it feels like one big “i told you so”, as if i were supposed to know this was coming from the beginning. if i was supposed to know that it’s just in my nature to accept what you did with open arms. i don’t think it is.

sometimes i think that there’s nothing left inside of me to love, nothing left to even consider the concept; if i could speak how i used to (with you), maybe that love would come, even just for a little while, though i have no idea how that would sound anymore.

why did you take myself away from me? why did you make me into someone i’m not?

what did you do to me?